Talking to people has been my biggest challenge and the biggest obstacle between me and my dreams. I always believed that I would never get what I wanted because I couldn't make connections. I've never found a mentor because I never asked for help or advice from anyone. The only time I ever applied for something that required reference letters, I nearly gave up because my teachers said they didn't know me well enough to write a reference.
When I realize I've made a mistake I can feel my stomach drop, like the floor just fell out from under me. Depending on the severity, a slow burning panic might start to spread across my body and I feel like I'm flailing - attempting to grab at the edges of reality like it's a page I can turn back to when I was doing things right, or a sheet I can pull over my head. And then the stories start spinning, telling me that I'm stupid or selfish or a terrible driver who doesn't deserve to be on the road.
A little while back I watched a video that completely changed the way I think about rejection and failure. Marie Forleo was interviewing actress Bryce Howard and Howard told the story of her grandmother's advice to her when she started her acting career. Her grandmother said that most working actors will go on an average of 64 auditions before booking a job. 64! That number is even higher for people who are just starting out or are returning to the industry after a break. When Howard started auditioning she said, "I started counting. And I promised myself I wouldn't get upset if I didn't book something before 64 because that would be deluded thinking."
I've been meditating on and off for years, getting more and more serious about it in the last three years. Two years ago I thought about going on a ten-day meditation retreat but had just gotten over an injury from too much sitting and my physiotherapist didn't think it was a good idea. When I saw an ad for a weekend retreat, close to home and by donation, I jumped on it.
The best we can do-the only thing we can do-is to be happy with art, with a creative practice, and with a life, that is good enough.This doesn't mean we shouldn't strive or reach. It doesn't mean we shouldn't push our boundaries, make bold moves, or shoot for the stars. It means that amidst the striving and reaching and pushing, we also need to find a way to accept things as they are right now.
I recently realized that it's this train of thoughts that follows from the feeling of envy that is destructive, rather than the envy itself. As a result, I'm working on dealing with envy in a constructive and positive way. Because these negative thoughts are based on stories that I tell myself, I can usually find my way through the negative feelings by examining and questioning these stories, and the beliefs that they're based on.
In the course and in her book, Positivity, Barbara Fredrickson explains her theory of why humans have evolved with positive emotions, which she calls the 'Broaden and Build' theory. According to the theory, negative emotions prepare us for one specific action. Fear prepares us to run or to fight while anger prepares us to confront someone. Negative emotions narrow our fields of view to deal with the problem at hand, but positive emotions do the opposite. Positive emotions help us broaden our awareness and build resources for the future.
With everything we do, we're either moving toward what we are interested in or away from what we are afraid of. If you've spend your life moving away from the things that scare you, you might not find the world to be a very interesting place. It might seem bland and uninspiring and you probably blame your circumstances for not offering up anything more exciting. If you look at a river and think, "So what? What's one more river?" you might need to work on cultivating your curiosity.
For a lot of people I think this fear of not measuring up is what stops them from pursuing their creative interests. It's easy to look at what other people are doing and think "what could I possibly add to that?" The problem is that when we let those thoughts get in our way, we not only deprive ourselves of the joys of creating and sharing our work, but we also deprive our audience of experiencing it - whether that audience is a craft show or gallery customer, or your best friend admiring the card you sent her, or your husband appreciating how you redecorated the living room.
I used to hate doing the dishes. I saw it as an endlessly mind-numbing chore that I would never be able to escape. Surprisingly, it still bothered me even when I had a dishwasher. Dealing with those few pots and pans that wouldn't fit would just ruin my night. Now, washing the dishes has become part of my bedtime routine and not only do I not hate it, I actually often enjoy it. Here are three ways washing the dishes has changed how I feel and helped me increase creativity on a daily basis.
